What women say...

"Do we have any more kitchen roll?"

And what women actually mean...

"Go and get the kitchen roll that I know is in the cupboard".

Just get to the point already, it's not hard.

X Marks the Spot

You know that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where X marks the spot and Indy starts somewhat concidentally striking the floor in time with the librarian (who bears a passing resemblance to Albert Einstein) stamping books? It doesn't matter if you don't, I've attached it to this blog. Incidentally, I wonder what he'd have done if he'd been caught bashing a hole in the floor of a library "Yes, I'm sorry about the criminal damage officer but I simply must find The Holy Grail. You understand, don't you? Oh, you don't speak English. Do you understand an All-American punch in the face? Of course you do".

So anyway I've come out to have a coffee and a croissant this morning and I've just heard the exact same sound of steel striking stone; half boom, half crack, one third ping and a hint of bong. I know that doesn't really add up mathematically but you try attaching numbers to sound, it's not easy. 

I'm quite a curious guy anyway but now that I'm all jacked up on caffeine and all butter croissants (for which I was offered even MORE butter and jam for the additional price of fifty pence - "I'll take it plain, hen, I've got a wedding to save for") I'm like an adrenaline junkie trying to find another way to put my life in danger. "Fucking naked bungee jumping chainsaw juggling, yeeeeeeah, let's do that!".

I'm not sure where this journey will take me (or where the blog is going to be honest, it started off so much differently) so if you don't see me for a while I've sent my journal charting my quest to one of you in the post. Use it to come find me but be wary of any hot, blonde, friendly German women who try and seduce you for your secrets; you should definitely give in to her temptations though because hot, blonde, friendly German chicks might be Nazis in die straßen but they're freaks in die blätter and I wouldn't want to deny you that experience; besides, I want to see the look on your face when you discover she had sex with your dad too!

https://youtu.be/dvywOjh_hdY

I'm fornever blowing bubbles

Because I'm in the 'wearing rubber bands on my braces' stage of getting my teeth all straightened out, I occasionally find when I put them on that my saliva has formed a bit of a seal - the kind you need when you've got a little plastic (I've just realised I don't know what they're called?) dipstick for dunking into soapy water to blow bubbles from.

And it got me thinking how cool it would be if I had Fairy Liquid (other washing up liquids are available) for saliva; I could just spit into the sink when there was dishes needing doing and for laughs I could blow teeth shaped bubbles.